Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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