its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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