Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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