Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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