Moan for me like Helen Keller
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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