Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize