did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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