Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
