I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im part way to drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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