I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
