whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and she was petting her beer can
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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