Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
