idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
