Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When are your genitals available?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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