I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
