He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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