she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
