So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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