Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
