dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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