she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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