a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
