Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
