Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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