I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
