The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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