I want to make a zoo with you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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