why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
