Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
