You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
