grandma shit on top of the toilet
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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