How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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