We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love you. Go after that dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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