chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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