I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
