I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
