Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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