Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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