YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
