Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have post one night stand depression
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