those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
