Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize