He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
