I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
