You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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