I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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