just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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