i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
