got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
