EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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