She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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