The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
