before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
