broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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