I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
