sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk is not a location!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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