your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
