got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
