i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
