Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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