do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
