I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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